10 Things you lose out on being Married!

Nirav Thakker — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:07:31 +0000

This happens to be my last post, last post as a “Bachelor”! Yes, the cat has finally been belled and will be tied to the door this Thursday! Well, i don’t think that sounds too good but then it’s ok, she can understand.

I am back with my 10 things that I think I may lose out to when i am no longer a Bachelor. Well, different people have different notions and different perceptions, these happen to be mine and are not meant to contest or hurt anyone. J

Your life suddenly comes to a standstill, you no longer are allowed long evenings out with “The Boys”. Why? Because the women in your house, AKA Mom and Wifey suddenly lay down the rules that the gates to the house close at 7. It does not matter how much fun you are having, we are here to kill that!
You suddenly find yourself cornered. The Wife (hereafter referred to as “The Boss”) and The Mom (Here after referred to as “The Super Boss”) decide that you cannot squander your wealth on your bike; there are better things that you must spend your money on or save for.
You suddenly find that all your credit cards are missing from your wallet. The Boss has taken control of your purse string and your expenses have shot up. But these expenses are not on yourself but by “The Boss” on “The Boss” for supposedly you!
Your online account password is suddenly different and you don’t know what it is any longer! The Boss and The Super Boss had collectively decided that you need to save more. Best way, give no access to the account. When you don’t know what the balance is, how will you spend?
Your hairstyle miraculously changes. You can no longer afford to be the handsome hunk or the Casanova that you were earlier. You hairstyle is changed and you now have oiled hair so that you now look like a “Champu”. And why? So that not one girl may look at you or appreciate your looks. Better each time you look at a girl, she should look and snarl at you like a Rabid Dog so that you are scared.
There is a suddenly a new rule that anything and everything that you buy has to be bought for less. Why so that you spend less and save more. As a result The Boss and The Super Boss decide you would go to work in your Shorts. But those shorts would be so long that they reach your ankles! L
You can no longer laugh carefree. You now have to keep up appearances and look at your best. So what if that means that you only smile at a joke and not laugh at it!
The Boss decides that all your holidays are her property; it is solely her decision where you would go and where you wouldn’t.
There is a restriction to almost everything! Bachat!!! Savings! You would spend lesser time on the computer. That means that all “10 Things” posts now will continue to have a title with “10 Things” but will have 9 things only in it!
You can suddenly not farce and get away easily with it! You are now supposed to come clear with everything. As clear as water!

So long friends! Say buh bye to the Nirav you knew! The next time you read a blog post from me, remember, it is no longer that Bachelor Nirav that used to Blog. It is now the married Nirav. J

10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding

Nirav Thakker — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 09:38:59 +0000

As my D-Day nears, my jitteriness is rising by leaps and bounds. Unfortunately it feels like the butterflies in my stomach are so bloody horny that they are making babies in multiples every minute. I somehow fail to understand why this jitteriness fails to go away even though I have taken all precautions! Now I feel the only way out is to let not only the cat out of the bag but the horny butterflies out of my stomach too. This should make me a little less jittery hopefully for a while now.

Your Boss could downplay on you and deliver an under the belt hit. He may ask you to work on weekends that number up more than the number of paid leaves you are taking! If you are trying to imagine, don’t go too far, the Boss can well put poor Amjad Khan’s Gabbar to shame! “Kitne Leaves hain?” “Sarkaar 5 din” “5 din aur weekends sirf 3? Aakh thu!”
Your team mates may trump you by announcing that they are formally engaged and set to get married. They then come by and give you the card telling you they beat you in the race of getting married first! It actually never mattered that you had seniority by getting engaged first! The kiddos come up with this actually, “Nilav Bhaiyya main jeet gaya!!! Meli shaadi pehle ho lahi hai! J”
You start to get worried that there are so many things unfinished and unplanned yet. You actually realize you are even more DUD than you initially thought yourself to be. You know what; Murphy would have been ashamed of himself for setting up inadequate laws! There were so many more laws he could have come up with after seeing the wedding preparations and days getting closer!
You start losing your creative abilities. Even the abuses that were creatively hurled at people suddenly start sounding like pounding hammers. Abuses that earlier used to vaguely sound like songs being sung, now sound like donkeys braying!
Your blog starts looking barren and old. People actually start wondering if you are alive at all. Your blog which was so much as your life earlier is suddenly receiving step motherly treatment. In fact Lalita Pawar would have treated the blog better!
Your Mom suddenly starts sounding like a different person. Any question is perennially answered with answers like “I don’t know” or “I am too busy to answer anything now” or “Are you even aware how much work is pending! Get up you slug and start slogging yourself out!”
Your computer starts to develop all sorts of troubles. It in facts starts looking at you in such a way that it feels like a crime to be sitting with it. It’s like as though I am going to make it feel unwanted post the marriage! “Mere pyaare, mer bhole computer, main tumhe utna hi chahunga shaadi ke baad bhi, bas pyaar thoda bat jaayega! Thoda tumhare liye, aur bahut zyaada uske liye!”
You suddenly realize you have JabWeMetOPhobia! That is you have watched Jab We Met so many times that you start thinking you are Shahid Kapur. The harsh reality strikes hard when you look at your paunch and think, abbey tu to itna sa nanha munha sa pet tha, saale Matka kab ban gaya!
Also suddenly that matka starts to jiggle and wiggle so much that you decide you are no more going to wear the shirts you just bought, and still you wear them because you spent on them or because your soon to be or by now, almost your wifey, just adores them on you!
You realize that what initially had started off as “10 things” has nothing more to fill and you start giving such weird answers at audits. When faced with questions like how do you know when the documents are complete you start answering with answers like “When there are no more points left to fill in you know that the document is complete!”

dKing Unleashed » Jittery

10 Things you lose out on being Married!

Related Posts

10 Reasons to feel Jittery about your Wedding

Related Posts