10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab

It has been a little over 3 weeks since I started taking the office cab to work. All thanks to my collar bone fracture I had blogged a few days back about.

Now, just like any office cab/shuttle, mine also has an assortment of people contained by a majority of guys but actually ruled by the minority called girls. Although it’s not as per Madam Mamta Banerjee’s taste of 33% reservation for women, it still has a good reservation of 28% women! That makes it 2 women and 5 men in the same cab. Things go awesome for the two women (I would prefer to refer to them as girls just because I would love to call the boys as boys!) because we boys are sacrificing enough to give them maximum seating space even if it means crouching into the foetal position in the corner of the cab.

Being an accident victim I have been given the privilege of being seated in the front seat with the driver for maximum comfort. However, it has its own advantages and disadvantages! Over the past few days I have been experiencing them a little at a time!

1. Never try your antics to look at the beautiful girl seated diagonally behind you in the driver’s mirror on your left! 9 out of 10 times you will find out that she noticed you checking her out!
2. Never talk too much thinking you would impress those girls! Girls are like fishes! Try to impress them too much and they will scamper miles away from you! More over you will be considered a show off!
3. Never talk too less! You are bound to be considered a snob! The girls will still stay miles away from you. A very thin line exists between a snob and a show off, pulling off the perfect balance is difficult and an art!
4. Never ever try to eaves drop the conversation that the girls are having. You will end up dazed, shaken and all nutty trying to figure out what they talk! They may continue talking about you and you may never know! They have such coded languages.
5. Don’t try to discuss music or movies with the girls. They never like your choice any way. Or rather let me put it this way – they never like you so your choice does not matter any way!
6. A girl may continue to talk on the phone until her wit’s end and still not be spoken about. But if you as a guy do that, the first thing to be analyzed is your brash language! Next, the junior you so very dominated in school would have her revenge and would take pot shots at you for your accented regional dialect! As though she never knew you were not allowed to talk in regional languages back in school!
7. Never discuss your school life or current school events with your junior. The girl you have so far been trying to impress would suggest you to take it offline there by showing her dislike to that subject!
8. Your blog is your blog! For nuts don’t discuss what all you put on it! She is not going to let it into her head by any chance!
9. On your way back home, it is obligatory for you to go straight back home from work. Don’t ever let the girl catch you some place otherwise! Your reputation is going to be tarnished!
10. To add to 9, even if you are caught, don’t let her catch you tweeting with your broken hand and licking a cold orange candy with the other! If you are caught, you better have a strong reason to be doing so! Sorry offering a bite out of the candy does not help!

Now you see how better off we guys are driving/riding to work everyday? You hum songs to yourself, nobody would notice you. You try pulling off stunts and nobody would tell a thing to you! As an added plus, you can even appreciate the awesome moustache that the cop on your road has hoping to get a snap clicked with him someday and nobody would brand you crazy!

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What I learnt from my clavicle/collar bone fracture

The last 3 weeks have been a nightmare to me. The week of December 14^th, 2008 that had started on such a high note with parties, weddings and wedding receptions to attend suddenly came crashing down on me on the 18^th of December. After having a great party at work while getting out to get back home in the evening, I got thrown off my two wheeler. I landed on my head and the helmet impact ended up breaking my collar bone.

That was it. I had to learn living life in an entirely new way. After having spent a lot over 25 and a little under 26 years with a fully functional right hand, I was suddenly forced to use just my left hand. The hand that lay neglected and not as strong as my right hand. Suddenly I was forced to comb my hair with just my left hand, type with just my left hand, brush, shave etc. with just my left hand. In fact an even worse ordeal was being forced to have a sponge bath and not a proper bath.

This is what I learnt in the three weeks since the accident.

1.     It is super difficult to comb your hair with your left hand if you have never earlier done it. You hair will simply refuse to set into the hairstyle you have sported all these years.

2.     People who offer to help you comb your hair will suddenly appear from all the directions to help you. Their sole primary reason to help you is to try new hairstyles on you that you never agreed to or let them try on you. These people can be anyone from your family and specifically your mom and siblings.

3.     Brushing your teeth will suddenly acquire a new meaning. You would now be fighting with the brush, tooth and nail to get it right. Your teeth will seem to be totally out of shape and your nails would start digging into your skin all around the lips and mouth region.

4.     Cleaning your tongue is going to be equally difficult almost choking you half to death each time you attempt it.

5.     You would never be able to successfully wash your face with one hand. The water simply refuses to stay in the cavity of your left hand. The same applies when you try to gargle.

6.     Wearing trousers can be a super fight. You never know whether you must push your left leg first or the right leg first. Most of the time you end up almost on the floor had you not decided to support yourself against the wall of the room/bathroom.

7.     Buttoning the trousers is even difficult if your trousers are at least 2 years old and you used to force yourself into them. People suddenly start realizing that you have grown large by a few inches and start suggesting you to do something about your weight.

8.     For the first two weeks you don’t know whether the shirt is getting on you or you are getting into the shirt. It is equally difficult keeping your hand comfortably within the confines of your shirt. It somehow seems to be tight enough to strangulate you and your blood vessels.

9.     The towel somehow tied across your waist which was your faithful companion when it came to keeping you covered suddenly discovers it has a mind of its own and must not stay put. It decides to start getting loose and slipping down at the most compromising and embarrassing situations.

10.  People start giving you all kinds of suggestions for home remedy medicines ranging from bone soups to bloods of pigeons. It does not matter to them if you would even faint at the very sound of it.

11.  You are not allowed anywhere near your two wheeler if you have a younger sibling. He suddenly finds the courage to ask you to back off!

12.  You suddenly find yourself leaving the dining table last. You can for nuts not eat with your left hand and the plate offers no help either. It just decides that its job is to rotate uncontrolled and not allow you to eat. You decide to eat lesser at lunch and end up gobbling more in-betweens! That starts off the story of how much would you eat and can’t you eat full at the table! Duh!

13.  You are forced to type with just your left hand leaving you with pains between your thumb and index fingers due to all that stretching and contracting. The mouse is no help either because you have never used it with your left hand. Swapping the button only results in howls from friends when they come down to help you in tight situations!

By the way today is somewhere midway through the fourth week and I am back after a visit to the doctor yesterday. Finally I have been given the permission to eat with my right hand type with both my hands. It now feels so very comfortable. Hopefully I should be back to biking by sometime around mid to end of February. That would mean freedom to me. And it also means I can start bullying my brother back!

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