Let’s hit the nail right home! I am itching to write this blog post! By the way I am almost done with a month and a half of being married, which has on its own taught me so much as a precursor that I wonder sometimes what more could be left to teach. But I am proven wrong each time!

1. It teaches you how to share, your time I mean! You suddenly find that a large, lion’s share of your time is reserved for your family. No more sitting inside the room and reading that book you recently bought! It is important that you spend time with your family when they are watching mindless and dumb fucked serials on the idiot box. Well, you can’t read the book even before you go to sleep either! You need to understand that that time has been solely reserved for and bought by your wife. It cannot be invested in something as dumb as reading a book!
2. Your laptop that used to be the apple of your eye can now only be used for 2 things. One, to check and reply emails to, well if it’s an important mail, say a job mail, she needs to see too; why, you ask, then refer to point 1. Two, to watch movies in the room when she is not sleepy! It does not matter that you are sleepy; she needs company, a warm cuddly teddy bear that she can place her head on, cry and sniffle on, hug when she is scared and even kick when she is angry. That’s the primary reason the movie was to be watched inside the room!
3. Your Mom was kind enough to let go of the duty of not cooking once in a way when you said, rather announced that you would not take lunch from home the next day but have it at work. Your looks at you with suspicion, as though you have committed the biggest crime of your life by announcing that! She would want to know the minutest detail of why you don’t want to take it. I wonder if all wives sometimes start to think that we have a second woman in our life that we are planning to have lunch with!
4. You are no longer allowed to take any decisions alone! Of all the decisions that you are allowed to take, 99.99% of them need to be discussed with your wife. The only decision you are allowed to take alone is when you need to visit the loo!
5. You learn how to keep the other person amused. So it if you find someone coming over and telling you that you look extra cheerful, give credit to yourself, you are learning fast! By the way, this skill is expected to be kept in use all through your life. Your wife really expects you to keep her amused, sometimes with antics like a monkey or a joker!
6. Planning and execution are keys to any successful project. Well, you have heard this a thousand times and probably even practiced it a thousand times when you were at work or when you were at home before being married. Now it is all about executing without the plan! Out of the blues your wife would announce I am bored and demand a ride in the city. What she actually means is “Boy, I am really mind fucked right now and need to get out of here, take me to the best place in the city but make sure you cut out the traffic and all that noise!” And what would you do? Read on!
7. It teaches you to be a better chauffer! You are suddenly the personal chauffer to the woman you love the most apart from your mother! You are suddenly awesome when it comes to navigating the roads, something that as a pre marriage guy you sucked big time at!
8. It teaches you to exercise, no matter what kind of tantrums you throw, it will not work. Those countless attempts that you made and got away with when you avoided going shopping with your Mom will just not work here! She says you need to exercise. What she means is, “Do you know how much a Coolie would cost to lug all those bags around? You anyways have no better job being home, get out there and carry those heavy bags for me!”
9. Marriage teaches you to save. By save I don’t mean saving money, that’s what your wife would do all the time, that’s if you have someone like mine. By save I meant saving up on your stock of lies and your skin! Every married man out there knows it is a matter of survival that has to be executed perfectly! After all, you don’t want to come back home and see angry faces of both your Mom and your Wife.
10. The best and the most important, you learn to “Love” and to “Care”. You learn to love the fact that someone cares so much for you. You learn to love the fact that someone back home waits so patiently for you to get home so that she can be her true self. You learn to love the fact that although you are just a phone call away, she cares not to disturb you at work! You learn to love the fact that both of you care so much for each other and are truly in love with each other.

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I am back with my 10 things that I think I may lose out to when i am no longer a Bachelor. Well, different people have different notions and different perceptions, these happen to be mine and are not meant to contest or hurt anyone. J

1. Your life suddenly comes to a standstill, you no longer are allowed long evenings out with “The Boys”. Why? Because the women in your house, AKA Mom and Wifey suddenly lay down the rules that the gates to the house close at 7. It does not matter how much fun you are having, we are here to kill that!
2. You suddenly find yourself cornered. The Wife (hereafter referred to as “The Boss”) and The Mom (Here after referred to as “The Super Boss”) decide that you cannot squander your wealth on your bike; there are better things that you must spend your money on or save for.
3. You suddenly find that all your credit cards are missing from your wallet. The Boss has taken control of your purse string and your expenses have shot up. But these expenses are not on yourself but by “The Boss” on “The Boss” for supposedly you!
4. Your online account password is suddenly different and you don’t know what it is any longer! The Boss and The Super Boss had collectively decided that you need to save more. Best way, give no access to the account. When you don’t know what the balance is, how will you spend?
5. Your hairstyle miraculously changes. You can no longer afford to be the handsome hunk or the Casanova that you were earlier. You hairstyle is changed and you now have oiled hair so that you now look like a “Champu”. And why? So that not one girl may look at you or appreciate your looks. Better each time you look at a girl, she should look and snarl at you like a Rabid Dog so that you are scared.
6. There is a suddenly a new rule that anything and everything that you buy has to be bought for less. Why so that you spend less and save more. As a result The Boss and The Super Boss decide you would go to work in your Shorts. But those shorts would be so long that they reach your ankles! L
7. You can no longer laugh carefree. You now have to keep up appearances and look at your best. So what if that means that you only smile at a joke and not laugh at it!
8. The Boss decides that all your holidays are her property; it is solely her decision where you would go and where you wouldn’t.
9. There is a restriction to almost everything! Bachat!!! Savings! You would spend lesser time on the computer. That means that all “10 Things” posts now will continue to have a title with “10 Things” but will have 9 things only in it!
10. You can suddenly not farce and get away easily with it! You are now supposed to come clear with everything. As clear as water!

So long friends! Say buh bye to the Nirav you knew! The next time you read a blog post from me, remember, it is no longer that Bachelor Nirav that used to Blog. It is now the married Nirav. J

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• July 13, 2009 -- Boss On Leave (9)
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1. Your Boss could downplay on you and deliver an under the belt hit. He may ask you to work on weekends that number up more than the number of paid leaves you are taking! If you are trying to imagine, don’t go too far, the Boss can well put poor Amjad Khan’s Gabbar to shame! “Kitne Leaves hain?” “Sarkaar 5 din” “5 din aur weekends sirf 3? Aakh thu!”
2. Your team mates may trump you by announcing that they are formally engaged and set to get married. They then come by and give you the card telling you they beat you in the race of getting married first! It actually never mattered that you had seniority by getting engaged first! The kiddos come up with this actually, “Nilav Bhaiyya main jeet gaya!!! Meli shaadi pehle ho lahi hai! J”
3. You start to get worried that there are so many things unfinished and unplanned yet. You actually realize you are even more DUD than you initially thought yourself to be. You know what; Murphy would have been ashamed of himself for setting up inadequate laws! There were so many more laws he could have come up with after seeing the wedding preparations and days getting closer!
4. You start losing your creative abilities. Even the abuses that were creatively hurled at people suddenly start sounding like pounding hammers. Abuses that earlier used to vaguely sound like songs being sung, now sound like donkeys braying!
5. Your blog starts looking barren and old. People actually start wondering if you are alive at all. Your blog which was so much as your life earlier is suddenly receiving step motherly treatment. In fact Lalita Pawar would have treated the blog better!
6. Your Mom suddenly starts sounding like a different person. Any question is perennially answered with answers like “I don’t know” or “I am too busy to answer anything now” or “Are you even aware how much work is pending! Get up you slug and start slogging yourself out!”
7. Your computer starts to develop all sorts of troubles. It in facts starts looking at you in such a way that it feels like a crime to be sitting with it. It’s like as though I am going to make it feel unwanted post the marriage! “Mere pyaare, mer bhole computer, main tumhe utna hi chahunga shaadi ke baad bhi, bas pyaar thoda bat jaayega! Thoda tumhare liye, aur bahut zyaada uske liye!”
8. You suddenly realize you have JabWeMetOPhobia! That is you have watched Jab We Met so many times that you start thinking you are Shahid Kapur. The harsh reality strikes hard when you look at your paunch and think, abbey tu to itna sa nanha munha sa pet tha, saale Matka kab ban gaya!
9. Also suddenly that matka starts to jiggle and wiggle so much that you decide you are no more going to wear the shirts you just bought, and still you wear them  because you spent on them or because your soon to be or by now, almost your wifey, just adores them on you!
10. You realize that what initially had started off as “10 things” has nothing more to fill and you start giving such weird answers at audits. When faced with questions like how do you know when the documents are complete you start answering with answers like “When there are no more points left to fill in you know that the document is complete!”

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• November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
• June 15, 2009 -- 10 things never to take for granted (2)
• June 11, 2009 -- Engagement ke Side Effects (16)
• January 27, 2009 -- 10 things you must never get caught doing in the Office Cab (12)

Now those of you wondering what all is possible, after all, ek ladki kya maang sakti hai, check it out for yourself!

1. You are in the middle of Bermuda Triangle and you receive a call from your would be or already significant other. She says, “Suno, its X’s anniversary tomorrow. What should I gift her?” You reply, “Anything sweetie.” Pat comes the reply, “No but I want you to suggest.” You tell her that you will think over and let her know in a while. Poor you, you google it, tweet it get the details and then get back to her. “Jaan what do you think about this as a gift?” And all the reply that you get is, “But I already bought something else for her. I just wanted to know what you think we could gift her!” There go your precious hours of research into the drain. You can’t even regret it. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
2. A hectic week and to top that you are stuck with a set of effing Baboons everywhere, just about everywhere. Out comes the thunder from the blues. “Suno, it is Y’s birthday the next week. P is planning to do something different for her this time. She has asked all of us to record a minute long video to wish X.” The so very sweet and gullible you say “Good. So how did it go?” She, “The video came out ok, but you know all of them told me and even I was thinking…” You, like the fish that is almost caught in the net have your heart pounding, waiting for her to complete, listen “… that why don’t you also record a video wishing her?” you tell her that it is not possible and would try and all that stuff. You put it off for a few days, but then come that final ultimatum one fine night when you are talking. “Don’t you love me?” “I love you dear” “Then why can’t you do this for me?” Bakra kat gaya! The very next morning you record the video and send it to her. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
3. It’s just a normal day and you are trying to be all nice and romantic with her. Suddenly she says “I am thinking of the different innovative ideas we can use on Z’s birthday. We all are planning to make a book of nice things about her. Q has already written 3 pages already for her.” You have no idea where this is going, but you listen. Then comes the Bhramastra, catching you totally unaware, “Do you love me?” “Yes, very much” “Can you not do me a favor?” “Of course dear, after all your wish is my command” “Then you know na how bad I am at writing creatively, write something for her on my behalf na?” “Ok, I will write a few lines and message it to you.” “Not a few lines, I want at least 3 pages, after all I have to write as much as Q!” Then she tells you for 3 continuous nights about Z and you talk nothing else but that. Finally you send her 6 pages of a well drafted piece of writing! Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
4. Your well drafted piece of writing reaches her alright. She sees your handwriting and says, “Jaan you have such terrible handwriting, how am I ever going to comprehend what you have written.” You sit up with her all through while she is writing to tell her what you have written. Something you never did even with your best friend when you wrote assignments during college! Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
5. It’s her birthday. You have already thought up everything that you could possibly gift her. You have even indirectly asked her for over 15 days what gift she wants. You at times feel like you are getting hit continuously under the belt. Still you stick on. Finally you wait for the D-Day and send her a gift after you know what everyone has gifted. You lie to her that the courier got returned. She scolds you for overspending and asks you to keep the gift with you till you meet her next. But you still send. That too after paying double for the shipping charges. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
6. For her birthday, you spend hours at a stretch to buy a sweet card for her. You put your best talent at work and write 4 lines of best poetry, shout at your brother for not couriering it at time. She receives it and says, “The card was nice” You inquire if she read the words in it. She says, “No, it was too much and you know na I don’t like to read so much. More over, why did you even buy the card?” and there goes the card into the drawer, probably never to see the light of the day. You still think and plan how you are going to make her feel good next time round. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
7. She suddenly plans to go out for a movie with a bunch of friends. It’s around 4 in the evening and you are feeling super frustrated after slogging your butts off at work. There comes a call, you see it is her, you are eager to talk and with all your love in your voice you tell “Hello” and she says, “Listen I am with my friends and I want you to talk to them, I have come out for a movie with A, B, C, D, E and F, I will just give the phone to A” you protest telling you don’t even know them. But all is futile; the phone is already in A, B, C, D, E, or F’s hand. You are left with no option but to speak to them. Finally she comes back on call and says “Why did you speak so less?” You have no answer, but still manage to stay calm and put. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
8. You go out shopping with her. Much to your amusement, she says that she is not going to buy anything. Gullible, you fall for it. By the time you are back home, your pocket seems light, very light. No very very light. Your protests against buying those extra pair of slippers, that new pair of jeans, that Kurti that she bought all goes futile. You relent on the only condition that you are not going to carry it all alone. She agrees. She picks up the heaviest bag and you can’t see that and take all the bags from her, become her coolie. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
9. You love that stubble of yours. Your friends tell you that you look awesome with it. You have worked hard maintaining it for years now. Shaving sparingly. Suddenly she comes in your life and tells you to get rid of the chidiya ka ghosla from your face, you protest. Out come the tears. Out comes the shaving blade. You are now clean shaven much against your wishes. Why? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!
10. Lastly, you see a nice group of girls discussing girly stuff. You, with their permission of course, start following their conversations. They give you tips and tricks on how to make her happy. You try them. Out comes the question, “I thought you never had any girlfriends. How are you then giving me all that I want but never told you? What are you doing behind my back? I think you are spending too much time online. Once I am there, I don’t want you to spend any time online!” You, like the most obedient kid around the house nod your head and agree. Kyun? Kyunki Love ke liye saala kuch bhi karega!

Well, if you have even been through any one of this, then my friend, you need to worry and act fast. You have just been bitten by the Love bug and it is going to knock you out cold anytime soon. Well, if there is no go, then you can stop worrying. Actually there is no use worrying. Just start training yourself to be the obedient one!

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The 10 Things category that I came up with received decent to very good responses. These were things that I always thought existed. Something that I thought nobody ever needed to be told. But then it turns out that some things must never be taken for granted.

1. Never take for granted that you would be allowed to get away with an excuse like I am sleepy when your fiancé is demanding answers from you! It is sooner or later going to catch up on you! Worse, it would come back so hard at you that you would be left with a swollen jaw and ice pack on your head!
2. Moms are no less. Each time you take them for granted about any matter, whether it is getting grocery or it is about booking her tickets for her so called planned trip, you are bound to be opposed with one single united force! Maa ke aansu! Mom’s tears! The tear jerker is going to be so bad that you would give up all your resistance just to not see swollen red eyes the next morning.
3. Brothers can be one hell too! Never take for granted that you using weird short nicknames to hint to your fiancé that he is around will go unnoticed! It is definitely going to be escalated to the highest level of authority, AKA Mom! The next morning is going to be difficult after that to handle!
4. Dad. The lesser told the better! You can take him for a big ride once you are out of your studies life. It is absolutely not going to matter! But whilst you are still studying never take for granted that he does not know what you are doing. So what if you are a guy! Dad is still going to be so very updated on your studies, crushes and all school/college lafdas even if you don’t breathe about it to him! Uske baad jo hota hai, Bhagwaan bhi nahin bacha sakta!
5. Fiancé again. All her questions about how many girl friends you have had in the past or don’t you have any beautiful girls in your office are trick questions! Stay clear. As clear as you would be of a charging bull. Any attempt to take the bull by the horns is going to cost you dear! “Sheesh! How very obscene of you to check out girls when you are committed to me!”
6. Sisters. Another set of Moms revisited! Tear jerker power here apparently gets so powerful that nothing is going to help. If at all anything can help then it is that big hole in your pocket that they are trying to make. Right from Raksha Bandhan to Shaadi ke din! Sisters are there to only lootofy you! It does not matter which way she is your sister. What I mean is whether she is your Saali Sahiba or actually a Sister. That hole in your pocket is pakka!
7. Kaam waali bai! Never take her for granted! The day you are most banking on her and most hoping that she turns up to save your naak in front of the guests she is going to stand up on you! At first you would have no idea until mid day. Later when you call up to enquire, you are faced with the ever green excuse that she has a painful back!
8. Friends! Never take them for granted! They are your life support. Your only, truly and most trustworthy people. Who else would tell your wifey that you were with them when you actually partied the night away alone! But please! Stay clear of those overly helpful friends who can claim that you are still with them when your wifey is calling them up standing next to you!
9. Technology! Google! Please please never take them for granted! You never know you could have some prospective brother in law and sister in law reading all about you before they meet you! Baap re baap! The kind of questions that you may have to field for after that would be enormously heavy! Even Atlas may for once be relieved that his weight of carrying the earth on his shoulders is actually light!
10. Mobile phone. My piece of advice buddy. When you are tweeting the time away on twitter, nothing can get more handy than the mobile. After all you can click pics, upload them, tweet and even play games. But what about that time when are travelling by the train and are out of battery. Yes the railway compartments these days do have chargers but then… well begging does not help! Those two idiots who want to listen to songs and transfer them are not going to give up the charging port for you!

See, so many things that could not be taken for granted! I wish someone had not taken me for granted and told this before! At least you and I would have been saved of the trouble. Like I am now taking for granted that you would like this post, refer it to your friends, ask them to comment, you would comment etc. I can take you for granted, right?

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I have been trying to handle all this and more since quite a few days. Read on what is the stuff that suddenly seems to start happening in your life.

1. Every Aunty walking on the road suddenly recognizes that you are no longer single and available. People have new found respect for you. More so they have new found inquisitiveness and curiosity about you.
2. You are suddenly surrounded by so many relatives, mostly women, that you don’t feel like counting them. Of these, the real relatives are generally handful. The rest just make themselves your relatives. You like it or hate it, it don’t matter!
3. Each of the relative suddenly starts to enjoy pulling your leg. If they could actually pull your leg, you would have by now become physiologically 10 times your current height!
4. Everyone suddenly starts to advise you about the golden rules of courting and wooing. It is suddenly their prerogative to advise you of the so called “Golden Period!”
5. Right from the Peon in the office (well if you have one) to your youngest relative (it does not matter if she is only 7) wants to know how you are spending time together. This despite knowing the fact that the two of us are so closely housed that a stone thrown to her house would take nearly a year to reach and also require multiple people throwing it!
6. Added to 5, suddenly people start to look at you when your phone rings, as though they already knew it was your fiancé calling! And if it turns out not, then the expression on their face is a million dollar one!
7. Each Aunty you know suddenly wants to know how much you are spending on the phone bills. They ask it like they would offer to pay it for you, you just need to reach out and ask them!
8. Added to 7, even if by chance you tell them of a flat rate plan, they have only a dirty look to give! A look that can even put Lalita Pawar and Shashikala to shame. It is downright cheap to have a flat rate plan and uber cool to incur unearthly telephone bill expenses!
9. Every Aunty in the block wants to turn your sweet, on screen Nirupa Roy like mom into a menacing Lalita Pawar ka cheap version! They are really not happy with the K-Serials that they watch on TV that they now feel the want of a Reality TV version!
10. Aunties on the block suddenly start accounting for how many hours you stood outside the house after parking the bike talking to your currently a lot sweet, little bitter soon to be better half! This information is then extrapolated to arrive at conclusions like what gift I could have or can possibly sent/send on her special occasion! The more hours that you talk, the costlier the gift!

Well, it is true that at the touch of love everyone turns into a poet, but the fact is that engagement does turn every Aunty on the block into a detective!

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• November 15, 2009 -- 10 Things you lose out on being Married! (4)
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Now, just like any office cab/shuttle, mine also has an assortment of people contained by a majority of guys but actually ruled by the minority called girls. Although it’s not as per Madam Mamta Banerjee’s taste of 33% reservation for women, it still has a good reservation of 28% women! That makes it 2 women and 5 men in the same cab. Things go awesome for the two women (I would prefer to refer to them as girls just because I would love to call the boys as boys!) because we boys are sacrificing enough to give them maximum seating space even if it means crouching into the foetal position in the corner of the cab.

Being an accident victim I have been given the privilege of being seated in the front seat with the driver for maximum comfort. However, it has its own advantages and disadvantages! Over the past few days I have been experiencing them a little at a time!

1. Never try your antics to look at the beautiful girl seated diagonally behind you in the driver’s mirror on your left! 9 out of 10 times you will find out that she noticed you checking her out!
2. Never talk too much thinking you would impress those girls! Girls are like fishes! Try to impress them too much and they will scamper miles away from you! More over you will be considered a show off!
3. Never talk too less! You are bound to be considered a snob! The girls will still stay miles away from you. A very thin line exists between a snob and a show off, pulling off the perfect balance is difficult and an art!
4. Never ever try to eaves drop the conversation that the girls are having. You will end up dazed, shaken and all nutty trying to figure out what they talk! They may continue talking about you and you may never know! They have such coded languages.
5. Don’t try to discuss music or movies with the girls. They never like your choice any way. Or rather let me put it this way – they never like you so your choice does not matter any way!
6. A girl may continue to talk on the phone until her wit’s end and still not be spoken about. But if you as a guy do that, the first thing to be analyzed is your brash language! Next, the junior you so very dominated in school would have her revenge and would take pot shots at you for your accented regional dialect! As though she never knew you were not allowed to talk in regional languages back in school!
7. Never discuss your school life or current school events with your junior. The girl you have so far been trying to impress would suggest you to take it offline there by showing her dislike to that subject!
8. Your blog is your blog! For nuts don’t discuss what all you put on it! She is not going to let it into her head by any chance!
9. On your way back home, it is obligatory for you to go straight back home from work. Don’t ever let the girl catch you some place otherwise! Your reputation is going to be tarnished!
10. To add to 9, even if you are caught, don’t let her catch you tweeting with your broken hand and licking a cold orange candy with the other! If you are caught, you better have a strong reason to be doing so! Sorry offering a bite out of the candy does not help!

Now you see how better off we guys are driving/riding to work everyday? You hum songs to yourself, nobody would notice you. You try pulling off stunts and nobody would tell a thing to you! As an added plus, you can even appreciate the awesome moustache that the cop on your road has hoping to get a snap clicked with him someday and nobody would brand you crazy!

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